i suck at public speaking..
i mean i can do it, but when it comes to saying how i feel, i guess im not very good at it.
the words get stuck and they don't come out.
so imma clear my mind the only way i know how. and thats to write it out.
i can't write it on paper, cus my handwriting sucks.
so i do it here on this blog no one reads.
alotta things lately have been going on. i try to deal.
chin up chest out. take shit a day at a time.. and just go with the flow.
the one thing about me is, no matter what. i try.
i try even knowing that my probability of suceeding isnt very good..
at least i know i put my effort into it, and with that i have no regrets.
i guess thats the hardheaded side of me.
being hardheaded isnt always a bad thing
people can be a good kind of hardheaded i guess.
i hope im that good kind. haha
anyway.
today i took a breather.. sorta stepped back from the world.
i cleaned my room.. WTF?
yeah, i cleaned my room.
i went for a drive and found a park to sit with the ducks.
i sat there, and just stared off into the distance.
i watched the bumps on the water as the birds flew by.
i noticed all the stupid writing on the rails.
i sat there. and took everything in.
breathed in the sun.
with respiration came reflection.
i realized how much i care about things.
even though i show it in an odd way..
i really do care.
when it comes down to it, i do give a fuck.
suprising huh?
i guess when im doubted.. thats when i try to surprise people the most.
i draw from others' doubt, my own means of motivation.
sitting there by myself, just observing...
alotta things ran through my mind.
my past, present and future.
as i look back, i really do think i matured.
things that once humored me, i have different feelings toward.
i believe things in the past happened for a reason, and they got me to where i am now.
every pain one goes through is only temporary. pain is what allows you to appreciate that greater good.
you'll never know how good things are until you've gone through the bad.
as to where i am now, i think im on a good path.
i'll be lookin for work soon. hopefully getting employed.
im working on building with a special lady,
hoping to go from relations, to relationships.
this one means something to me...
i can only hope to mean as much to you as you do to me.
"I think we've got somethin' special
Girl, you and me
Together, we'll take over the world
You know I love ya
I need you so
So happy I just wanna let everybody know.."
in the future..
i've always been pretty big eyed when it came to that.
so imma make it big.
imma make my momma proud.
oh, and my dad too.
i'm gonna stop letting things pass me by, and go for broke.
no longer fearful, gotta kick fear in the nuts.
i'll never know unless i try. so balls out.
ain't nothin to it but to do it.
..
sometimes though, i wish i was a kid again. i miss the days when scabs were constant, television was cool, and duck hunt was easy. i miss the days of stained clothes and action figures. i miss those ninja turtle days... i miss em.
but i know, i aint a kid no more.
gotta grow.
GROOOOOW!
