shapes.

mother fuckin full circle. got damnit.
finding people that don't know what the fuck they want.
this one was pretty much doomed from the start.
with 9487639817264987321694872 dudes after her.
her heart was in 2 different places.
oh well.
im tired now, or closer to exhausted.
too drained to try, lack of motivation.
can't even explain how i feel, because i don't know what it is.
but whatever though.
gotta struggle to find the greener grasses right?
and i'll never progress if i stand still.
so here i stand.. or at least i stood.
because im walking forward, and not looking back.
life continues, gotta take it a day at a time.
hopefully one of those days.. ill run into someone.
find that someone special that'll ride shotgun with me through this journey we call life.
meet that lady who has the right mind set from which we both can grow.
but until then, i gotta do what i gotta do.
gotta keep on keepin on.
man up and handle my shit.
no lookin back. even though it hurts to move forward.

fuckit.
peace



---
oh, and happy birthday in advance.
you kinda already knew though.



but...

i didn't get to start the pooh munny though.
nor did i get around to the dinosaur costume for the giant pooh bear.
didn't get to gettin that camera for you.
nor was i able to make you your cake.
i didn't deliver on the ice cream sandwich either,
nor did i get to buy the donuts and lillys.
never got around to that day where i gave you all that.
all the while having dinner and flying kites.
but the most important gift i wanted to give you.
was the opportunity to smile.
to give you reason to smile on your special day.


but it is what it is.
"you can plan a pretty picnic, but you can't predict the weather"

quick update.

RECENT PHOTO WORK:


GREGG QUINTOS - KAWASAKI NINJA 250R


GREGG QUINTOS - KAWASAKI NINJA 250R


HOLLISTER FAMILY RUINION - SOME KID


HOLLISTER FAMILY RUINION - SOME KID


COTILLION PORTRAITS - SHANNA


COTILLIO PORTRAITS - SHANNA


MODEL SHOOT - ROWENA


MODEL SHOOT - ROWENA


MODEL SHOOT - ROWENA


HOLLISTER FAMILY RUINION - SOME KID

holist (hella-hot)ter + gangster mom!

hollister is hot.
gottamn.

n then it started to rain.
what the suck?

hahahaha.

anyway.
my life isnt as fast paced as it may seem to be.
sure its a gig here, a gig there, party here, party there..
but it aint as fast as it seems.
i still enjoy the silent moments where i sit and think.
i enjoy the company of my closest, and appreciate the fact that we all can talk.
ya'll is fam. you know it too.

anyway. (again)

it was funny when i woke up.
my mom asked me where you were, and where you've been. like what the hell?
she asked if you and i had broken up.
i never wanted to tell my mom, because she truly saw me happy for once. and i didnt want her to see me struggle.
the funny thing is i didn't have to. she already knew.
she basicly said "chin up, chest out" in her own motherly way.

my momma is gangster. yadigg? hahahaha

update.

so i quit smoking.
and it's going good.

cold turkey method.

i guess if you put your mind to it, you can do it. hahah

same goes with life.

if you didn't know, that someone special that i have feelings for, is not here with me now.
we kinda went our seperate ways.

in all aspects of it, i respect her descision.
i appreciate everything we had, and i love the person that she is.
from our ice cream sandwich beginning, to our vacation in pismo.
from our little outings and viewseeking, to the talks we had about anything and everything.
everything we had i adore and cherish.
it takes alot for me to say this, but jenn i love and care about you.
i truly do. i hope to sometime tell you this in person.
i know you have work now and everything, and time isn't really something you have.
but i hope to sometime have the time with you, to let you know.
i'll be working soon too, and time is gonna be limited as well.
i just wanna say, i'm proud of you.
proud of you being strong, and handling your stuff.
i trust that everything you strive to accomplish will be accomplished.
cus i know you can do it, i got faith in you.
regardless of what happens, good or bad..
i can never have hard feelings towards you. period.
you've helped me grow, and open up in many ways.
and i'm glad.
things now are still gonna be hard for me,
but i'll get through them. i always do.
i have those around me that care and help me do me.

basicly, what i'm sayin is.
i love you.
thank you.
for everything.

those words comnig from me are funny.
but i mean them.

maybe someday things will work out.
maybe our paths will cross and we'll find greener grasses.
maybe, maybe not.

whatever the case may be. i just want you to be happy.
suceed in your pursuit of happyness and growth.

i love you. :)

today i start to quit smoking. for real.
we'll see how that goes. heh

whatever.

im in a predicament.
got my guard back up.
distancing myself abit, because i have to in order to not get hurt.
things have been one sided.
it seems like i can only be by your side when you want me to be.
its all on your terms.
this isnt fair, and i know life isnt that.. but damn.
i don't even get a minute, or a moment of your time anymore.
i feel pushed away, feelin like im secondary.
its some bullshit.
you tend to push the best things you have away, you've said it yourself.
i wanted to be the one that got past the pushing, and had a piece of your heart.
keep on pushin, and eventually ill get pushed to the point where i go the other way, and don't bother to look back.
you said you dont want to hear me say that im fed up, fed up with all that we have.
lately i have no choice than to be that way.
its funny.. i said i love you, because i really do.
i never wanted you to say it back unless you meant it.
but you did say it.
sometimes i question the fact that you said " i love you"
i put those in quotations because i don't know if its true.
if you do love me, then why this treatment.
i've done nothing but been good to you, yet i get treated like shit.
that rubber band may very well be at its very last straw, dried up and ready to break.
you said that with me, at a moments notice, i can up and leave.
the same can be said for you.
you can straight up ignore me just because you feel like it.
you can ignore my calls and my texts.. yet respond to others like its nothing at all.
you say your busy. but then your friends call, and you're out talkin for 3 hours.
i call you, and ask to talk, its turned on me like im being selfish.
like i don't deserve the time.
everythings turned on me.
you finally found my flaw.
my flaw is...

i care about you too much, and im quick to forgive.


your flaw is...
you won't allow yourself to be happy.

until your mind is cleared.. im gone.

tres.

today marks 3.
and i'm happy.

:)